What is Dadda's job with the list of things for Mumma?

Eleven rows on the list are for the person who gave birth. Not one of them is Dadda's to choose. Every one of them is his to get.

The short answer

• Ask her for the list in her own words. While there is still time to shop.
• Buy the thing she named. Not the one five dollars cheaper.
• Put it where she will actually be. Beside the bed, beside the toilet, in the bathroom and in the bag.

What goes on the list is hers. Whether it is in the house is his.

What Dadda actually needs

He needs all of it in the house before the birth, and he needs her to never have to ask him for any of it.

That is the test. Not whether he bought the right things — he will, because she told him what they were. The test is whether she has to say the words out loud at 2am with a baby on her.

Three other things are worth having sorted by then, and they are the same size of job. Have a few meals ready. Work out who is doing what at home. Organise a bit of time off if he can.

One at a time

Asking

• What it is. Dadda asks her which of these things she wants, in her own words, and writes the answer down.
• What it is for. So the list in his hand is hers and not his guess. He is not the one who will use any of it, and there is no obvious right answer he can work out on his own.
• When he needs it. Early enough to still shop. Once the bag is packed, asking is too late to be useful.

Buying

• What it is. Dadda buys the thing she named. Same thing, same size, same brand where she named one.
• What it is for. A substitute he found five dollars cheaper is not a saving. She picked that one for a reason, and she should not have to explain it a second time.
• When he needs it. Before the birth, and all of it. Most of this list is small and cheap, so there is nothing to stage.

Placing

• What it is. Dadda puts the things where they get used. Beside the bed, beside the toilet, in the bathroom and in the hospital bag.
• What it is for. A hallway cupboard is a cupboard she has to walk to. Two of the small things in two places beats one of everything in one box.
• When he needs it. Before the bag goes in the car, and before she comes home.

After the birth

The list stops being the job the day bub arrives. What helps from then on is plain and unglamorous.

• Bring bub to her for feeds, especially at night.
• Make sure she has a drink, something to eat, and is comfortable before a feed starts.
• Take the meals, the laundry and the rest of the jobs at home.
• Look after the older kids and the animals.

The bit that causes the trouble

Dadda reads this as a shopping job, and the shopping is the easy third. Eleven products on a list look like eleven things to buy, so that is the part he does. It is the part either side of it that she notices: that he asked instead of guessing, and that the thing was already within reach when she needed it.

Two more worth naming.

• Waiting to be asked is the whole failure. Fetching something the moment she asks for it feels like helping. The job was to make the asking unnecessary.
• Bought is not the same as unpacked. A box in the boot, a satchel by the door, a bag still taped shut — none of that is in the house in any way that counts. Open it, and put it where it goes.

What this does not decide

• It does not say what any of these things is for, or when she will want it. That is not missing by accident. The answer belongs to her, and asking her is the first job on this page.
• It does not name a brand or a model. Several of these rows have one on the list, and which one ends up in the house is her call.
• It does not say how she is going. This page is about getting things into a house. Nothing else about how she is doing is a web page's business.

Also look at

• The full item: hospital bag
• The three feeding types, explained